Love Yourself?

"Find something good about yourself and learn how to love yourself"

How do I even find something good about myself when all I see are my flaws? First of all, who am I even to begin with? Even though I have been alive for 22 years, I still can't find the words to describe myself. I am so full of uncertainties and doubts that my life just comes to a standstill. I find myself stuck at the same place unable to move forward. I don't know what to do nor what i want to do. Standing in front of a crossroad... not knowing which path to take.

Everyday repeats and I continue with my own boring routine. Sleep, eat and breathe. I look forward to sleeping everyday so that time will pass faster. I want to get out of this cycle but something keeps dragging me behind. It is so difficult to find your meaning and purpose in life. People say that you are the leader of your own life. How do I even take charge of my life when I have no direction to guide me?

It is only until recently that I kind of found my way. Even though my dream is still vague and hard to reach, it still serves as a small compass in my life. I realised it is okay to not have any direction, dream or motivation. It is okay to stumble, fall and make mistakes as long as you keep getting back up. Life is not a straight and smooth path. It is a long and tedious journey. No one can predict what the future holds and things might not turn out the way you want it to be.

In this fast paced world, you may feel that everyone around you seem to have some direction and goal. They are so ahead of you that you feel that you are lagging behind. The thing is that everyone has their own pace. Life is not about comparing yourself with others. Everyone has their own journey and path to take. So its okay to take things slow and everything will gradually start to fall in place. 

Even though everyone's path is different, we are bound to cross each other's paths one day. We may walk together or go our separate ways. However, you are not alone in this world.

Although I don't know your problems and situations, I will pray for you. I won't assure you that everything will be fine but things will get better if you believe that it will be. Whatever you are experiencing now, whether is it good or bad, it will pass. Life has to carry on.

Starting to love yourself is difficult but remember that your flaws are part of you and not whole of you. Only by accepting who you really are, then you will slowly learn how to hate yourself less and love yourself more.

x

Music (BTS)

If I have to describe my preference for music, I definitely cannot limit it to just one genre. Well the songs that I listen to are mostly Korean. Hence, this brings me to my point, Kpop. The reason I can't choose only one genre is the fact that Korean songs are not only pop, they are of different genres like Hip Hop, Ballads, Rap, R&B and Electronic etc. Typically, I listen to Korean Ballads, Kpop and Kdrama OSTs.

There are a handful of Korean artists that I listen to such as Bolbbalgan4/Bol4, AKMU, IU and Taeyeon. Kpop Bands/Groups like Gfriend, Astro and GOT7 etc. If I do song covers on Youtube, I usually opt for Kballads from solo artists. Whereas for dance covers, I would choose from Kpop Groups.

Okay. Lets get to the main content of this post. Based on the title, I am sure all of you would know what I am going to write about. YES!

💜 BTS 💜

I believe most of you have at least heard of BTS somewhere before. They are currently the biggest boyband in the world of Kpop. BTS is very popular and their international influence are getting larger each day. Due to the increasing popularity of BTS, people may label BTS as "mainstream" and "overhyped". However, I am not here to rant about their popularity and achievements or force you to become their fan. I just want to let you know the beauty and meaning of their music. 

First of all, I have to give a brief background about BTS. BTS stands for 방탄소년단 which is Bulletproof Boy Scouts or Beyond The Scene. The meaning of their group name is "to block out stereotypes, criticisms, and expectations that aim on adolescents like bullets". Whereas, the fandom name is ARMY which stands for Adorable Representative MC for Youth. These seven members of BTS started from the bottom with a small company (Big Hit Entertainment) with limited resources and opportunities. Since BTS is not from any of the Big 3 entertainment companies (SM, YG and JYP), they have to put in much more effort to spread their music and gain fans. It took 2 years just to win first place on a music broadcast show. Their perseverance of consistently improving and producing quality music and content took them to great heights in this saturated Kpop industry.

Looking beyond their visuals, BTS has a unique way of conveying and expressing their music. From the very beginning of debut to now, an intricate and complicated storyline is set in place. BTS started out with a bang "No More Dream" questioning the youths about their dreams and mentality of conforming to others expectations. This leads to their next title song "N.O" where it revolves around breaking the norm and peer pressure of studying for good grades. As one enters the youth phase, love would start to develop. BTS then started the "Youth Trilogy" era which focuses on the feelings experienced during growth. "Boy in Love" mainly expresses their feelings towards their crush. When one enters a relationship, some may experience less reciprocated love from the other party. BTS then conveys these feelings with the title song "Danger". Then comes "I Need You" where one experiences longing for the other party after the relationship has ended.

Afterwhich, BTS released the 'The Most Beautiful Moment In Life' series which mainly focuses on the difficulties experienced by youth ranging from failed relationships to having no direction in life. The title song "Run" depicts the youth running away from their problems. "Fire" expresses how youth respond to their problems by setting everything on fire and not caring about any consequences. "Dope" describes how BTS working hard for success compared to other youths who are wasting their life away. Then comes "Save me" which is basically a cry for help. BTS then ends this series with an epilogue "Young Forever" where it expresses the short and fleeting phase of youth where most are still trying to find their way and dream.

Where there is light, there is darkness. Temptations and bad influences will start to appear in life especially for youths who are lost in a maze and easily affected by their environment. With that, BTS started the 'Wings' era with each member having their own solo songs reflecting on particular issues. This varies from the influence of money and drinking to mistakes like accidental murder, lying and domestic abuse. This era was the era where BTS popularity skyrocketed. Mini short clips about each member was released one by one. These clips were not explained and left open-ended for the audience to interpret. Many ARMYs came out with different theories reflecting on various issues regarding mental health, death from suicide or accidents and connections between each member's story.

After facing all these so called bad influences and consequences. BTS released the 'You never walk alone' album. "Spring Day" depicts the longing for a lost friend which might be a consequence from the mistakes made during the 'Wings' era. On the other hand, "Not Today" encourages the youth to fight and survive against all odds.

Then comes a bigger era, the 'Love Yourself" series, where there are 4 albums 'Her', 'Wonder', 'Tear' and 'Answer'. The 'Her' album with the title song "DNA" expressing the feelings of new found love or destiny. 'Wonder' with the main song "Euphoria" revolving around the feeling of happiness and euphoria from experiencing love (either from friends, family or lovers). However the next mini-album 'Tear' with the title song "Fake Love" shows that this new found love was actually fake and not true. 'Answer' is the last album with "Epiphany" describing the realisation and importance of loving myself first. Other than the main storyline, there are other songs like "Idol"which shows how BTS respond to fame; "Mic Drop" is BTS response to haters and "Magic Shop" is an appreciation song for ARMY.

Last but not least, BTS then releases the latest album 'Map of the Soul: Persona' which expresses their feelings of finding themselves. This album is more personal for BTS where most of their songs are dedicated to ARMY.

What sets BTS different from other artists is the intricate story telling, hidden meanings/ interpretations and purposeful lyrics. Most of their songs are self-composed/written/produced. These beautiful melodies are accompanied with amazing visual representation (music videos, short films, prologues and epilogues) and highly synchronised/emotional dance choreography. As a youth myself, I can relate to their music very well as the problems that I facing is quite similar. Moreover, their meaningful lyrics and stories speaks to me and brings out a light in me. Their music gave me the strength, motivation and inspiration to move forward in life and chase after my dreams.

Oof... this is a very long post. All in all, this is just my personal opinion and feelings about BTS music. I might not be accurate about their storyline and the meaning of each song/album. How I wish I could understand Korean so I could appreciate the Korean lyrics better as the English translated lyrics might not carry the original complete meaning. Even though their songs are mostly in Korean, I believe that music could transcend language.

If you have not listened to BTS before, you could give them a try! Whether you like it or not, I respect your choice and music preference :)

Thank you for reading until here! <3

P.S. Those in 'name' are album titles while "name" are title songs.

Each member wearing outfits of different era/album starting from left to right

Meaningful BTS Lyric Quotes

• The dawn right before the sunrise is the darkest - 해가 뜨기 전 새벽이 가장 어두우니까 (BTS - Tomorrow)
• If it’s for you, I can act strong even when it hurts - 널 위해서라면 난 아파도 강한 척 할 수가 있었어 (BTS - Fake Love)
• Even when I fall and hurt myself. I keep running toward my dream - 넘어져 다치고 아파도 끝없이 달리네 꿈을 향해 (BTS - Young Forever)
• If you seem like you're going to crash, step harder, kid - 부딪힐 것 같으면 더 세게 밟아 임마 (BTS Suga - Nevermind)
• I’m the one I should love in this world. Me, who shines, my precious soul. - 빛나는 나를 소중한 내 영혼을 (BTS Jin - Epiphany)
• Days when you hate that you’re you. Days when you wanna disappear. Let’s make a door in your heart - 내가 나인 게 싫은 날, 영영 사라지고 싶은 날. 문을 하나 만들자 너의 맘 속에다 (BTS - Magic Shop)
• I want you to be your light, baby. You should be your light. I want you to be your night, baby. You could be your night (BTS Jimin - Promise)
• Gonna breathe a little slower. Cuz my life and my rap, they're usually too fast - 조금만 느리게 숨쉴래. 평소엔 내 삶도 내 랩도 너무 빠르니까. (BTS RM - Forever Rain)
• The world will never know how sad I am. My pain is water and oil that can't mix - 세상은 절대로 몰라. 내가 얼마나 슬픈지를. 내 아픔은 섞일 수 없는 물과 기름 (BTS - Whalien 52)
• Even if I'm slow I will walk with my own feet. Because I know this path is mine to take - 좀 느려도 내 발로 걷겠어. 이 길이 분명 나의 길이니까 (BTS - Lost)
• It's okay come on when I say one two three, forget it. Erase all sad memories. Hold my hand and smile - 괜찮아 자 하나 둘 셋 하면 잊어. 슬픈 기억 모두 지워. 내 손을 잡고 웃어 (BTS - Two! Three!)
• Where there is hope, there are trials - 희만기 이는 고세 반드시 시려니 이네 (BTS - Sea)
• In a sigh, lots of worries are hiding. Stop thinking about it, You already know it all. In the middle of the road, in the moment you want to give up. Shout out louder. So what, what, what. - 한숨 그 안에 많은 걱정이 숨어있네. 고민 그만해 너는 이미 다 알고 있지. 이 길의 중간에 포기하고 싶은 순간에. 더 크게 소리질러봐 (BTS - So What)
• The me of yesterday, the me of today, the me of tomorrow (I'm learning how to love myself). Every last one of them is me - 어제의 나 오늘의 나 내일의 나 (I'm learning how to love myself) 빠짐없이 남김없이 모두 다 나 (BTS - Love Myself)
• 'Who am I' the question I had my whole life. The question which I probably won't find an answer to my whole life - 나는 내 인생을 모두 요구해왔다. 어쩌면 평생 동안 내 문제에 대한 해결책을 찾을 수 없습니다 (BTS RM - Persona)
• The later the night gets, the brighter the starlight - 밤이 깊을수록 더 빛나는 별빛 (BTS - Mikrokosmos)

Beverage Review + Ex-Job Insights (KOI)

Here is a food/job review under Drinks/Beverage category.

I worked at KOI for 3 months in 2017 before university started. Hence, I will try to be as objective as I can and not reveal any confidential information.

I basically did kitchen work (cooking pearls, brewing tea, grass jelly, macchiato cream and squeezing lime, lemon and grapefruit etc.) Although the kitchen work is physically draining, the quality of the ingredients is not compromised. Rest assured that the ingredients are made with greatest quality and quantity. The golden pearls are of a higher grade tapioca pearls and these pearls would be discarded after 1 and half hours usage period. Moreover, the brewed teas (black, oolong, green and silan black tea) would also be changed within 3 hours regardless if there are any leftovers.

In my opinion, KOI has the best pearls in terms of texture. The pearls have the optimal balance between chewiness and softness. They also have minimal stickiness as compared to other pearls. However, the sugar syrup accompanying the pearls may be a tad too sweet and it may affect the overall taste of the drink. Tip: if you do not like the sugar syrup, you could ask the staff to wash the pearls for you.

I also feel that KOI's grass jelly has a really smooth mouthfeel and an even consistency. The grass jelly is made from "scratch" with quality techniques. I would recommend drinking plain black/green/oolong tea with grass jelly as a topping. As the grass jelly is relatively sweet, I would recommend a lower sugar level %.

The macchiato cream is also made from "scratch" with a specific technique. The cream has a thick consistency and creamy mouthfeel. It really complements the plain teas. It is a shame that the macchiatos are not allowed to have toppings. This is because macchiatos are supposed to be sipped from the rim of the cup so the toppings would interfere with this experience.

The ratios of the drinks are tailored to maintain the drinks' quality (less ice, no ice and less pearls etc.) I learnt till preparing of ingredients like pearls, lime, lemon and grapefruit and the latte ratios. It was quite mentally draining as you have to remember and adjust the ratios to tailor to the consumer's needs. For part timers, you have to pass certain tests to increase your pay per hour. Full timers are also sent for evaluations and training to maintain the quality of KOI's products. This shows KOI has high standards for skills, quality and hygiene.

Here is some of my experience/opinions regarding the additional requirements of the drinks:

• If you order "less ice" for any milk tea, the volume of the drink will be compensated with more tea. Hence, it will somewhat dilute the milkiness of the drink and have a "blander" taste
• If you order "less ice" for flavoured milk tea like hazelnut milk tea, the taste will be compensated with more hazelnut flavoured syrup

The prices of the drinks are quite affordable if you take the quality in consideration.

My personal favourites:

• Cacao Berry (Dark chocolate) with/without Ice Cream
• Oolong Milk Tea 
• Yakult Black Tea 

Rating: 8/10

Price: 6/10

Worth: 8.5/10

Credits to the owners of the pictures above.

Beverage Review (KECha)

Since I have an interest in food science, I am going to start writing reviews of food products in supermarkets or retail outlets. These food reviews are purely my own opinion and perception. I am no expert so my reviews are subjective and may be biased. I will try to be as objective as possible by doing some research about the product. Everyone has different preferences and opinions so my review may be different from yours.

Anyways, I am starting off the food blog with a review on a new start-up beverage shop, KECha. KECha is a flower tea shop with fruits and milk add on. They mainly focus on Roselle, Butterfly Peas, Earl Grey, Osmanthus, Jasmine Green Tea and Oolong Tea. After which, they add on the second component. It is either milk or sugar syrup. The last component at the bottom would be fruits such as Peach, Lime and Strawberry etc.

The combination of flower tea and fruits is a great one as it is refreshing and different from other bubble tea shops. They also sell top-ups such as Brown Sugar pearls, Aiyu jelly, Aloe vera etc. What I like about their concept is the purpose of each combination. The Roselle tea series is to help with losing weight and diabetic patients. The Butterfly peas series help with vision and slowing down ageing.

I have tried their Summer Lime, Summer Peach and Earl Grey Milk Tea with Brown Sugar Pearls. The Summer series is more refreshing for hot weathers while Earl Grey Milk tea is sweet and filling. The drinks are very healthy, original and creative. The different colours of the drink comes from the natural flowers and fruits. It is not food colouring. There is an option to choose between a normal drink cup or bottle. The bottles are also moulded one by one because the standard shape is not available in the market and they can be reused for another 3-4 times. Hence, the bottle have an additional charge.

The price of these drinks are quite expensive at around $5 to $8. Therefore, this may affect the receptivity of these products as Singaporeans tend to go for cheaper drinks like KOI and Gong Cha. Although the drinks are of good quality and are quite unique, it isn't as popular as it should be. Perhaps people are more acceptable to familiar teas such as Oolong milk tea than flower teas such as Butterfly pea teas.

KECha also have developed more familiar teas to keep up with the market trends. One of it is the Brown Sugar Milk. However, the brown sugar milk fad is too saturated with other other bubble tea shops' formulations. KECha's brown sugar milk tea is pale in comparison to others. I tried it before and I feel that they could work more on the brown sugar pearls to make it softer and reduce the sweetness of the drink.

If there were more promotions and marketing on the health benefits of these KECha drinks, I feel that KECha could become more popular. Instead of conforming to the familiar tastes, KECha could focus more on their specialty fruit/flower teas and reduce the price slightly to attract more consumers.

Rating: 9/10
Price: 6/10
Worth: 8/10

Credits to the owners of the pictures above.

University

I was a Chemistry major in NUS for my first semester in year 1. After going through appeals and interviews, I was finally able to transfer into Food Science and Technology (FST) in the second semester of year 1. Since I did not take my FST modules in the first semester, I had to take certain modules with my junior batch. This is awkward as the juniors already formed cliques and I feel like I am intruding into their cohort. Oh well...

It was initially difficult to adjust to university as I am from polytechnic. The content is much deeper and complicated. However, the freedom to choose unrestricted electives and arrange my timetable is sweet. I actually wanted to join a CCA in university but I chose to focus on my studies. My polytechnic experience of managing studies and CCA was quite challenging. Therefore, I decided to not join any CCAs. I am definitely missing out on the university experience but its kay. 

Year 1 was basically the foundation modules where I had to take chemistry, life science and statistics modules. I didn't really like year 1 because it was basically science modules which is not much of an interest to me. Year 2 was a little bit better because there are some FST modules like Food Analysis, Post-harvest Food Processing, Food Safety etc. 

Currently, I am a year 3 FST student and the modules I am taking are much more interesting. Food Product Development and Packaging is my favourite module so far. Although our schedule is quite packed from Idea Conception, Formulation Trials, Market Research to Sensory Analysis. I hope our product would turn out well *prays hard*.

From my previous blog post of "Crossroad", I really want to thank those who have supported me during this transition phase. I was stuck at a crossroad, not knowing what my future would be like in the Chemistry major route. After I was able to transfer to FST, I heaved a sigh of relief. 

During the days of uncertainties and worries, the music that I listened to helped me to gain strength and courage. The music is none other than BTS music! Their lyrics, melodies and visual representation (MVs, webtoons and posters etc.) have deep meanings and purpose. They do not only sing typical love songs. They sing about the frustrations, uncertainties, hope and dreams of the youths. I will stop here for now and leave my thoughts in another post.

I may have found meaning in life with a purpose of helping people. My current dream and goal is to do research and product development in functional food with health benefits. Although the journey may be long but I wish to help people recover and heal with natural food instead of medicine. I have been thinking about this for quite a long time. After gaining some research and product development experience, I may start up a food company selling these functional food with my beloved family and friends.  

Credits to the owners of the pictures above.

Crossroad

Here I am, standing in front of a crossroad once again. With different paths set out for me, I am still not sure which path to take. Even though it is time for me to transition into the next phase of my life, I am still not ready. I am worried, uncertain and full of doubts. Everyday I will ponder and ask myself if this is the right path for me but I got no answers. The naive me in the past thought that I could venture into the career path of being a food research scientist. However, my results could not attain a spot in the stringent and popular course of study (FST) at NUS. I had no choice but to accept the offer to study Chemistry at the same university.

It then dawned upon me that life doesn't go the way we want sometimes. We don't always get our preferred choice but we can determine our attitude towards it. As long as we are still living, there are many opportunities to seek and experiences to gain. Who might know that I could discover another interest or passion along this path?

Credits to the owner of the picture above.

Basketball

"Shoot", "Aim", "Just a little more strength", "Prepare yourself before you shoot" and "Out, go clear the ball" were the phrases that I always hear when I play basketball. It is interesting how strangers could come together and just play a match without even knowing each other well. Once the match starts, each of the players naturally assume their spots - center, rebound, point guard, power forward, shooting guard and small forward.

Basketball is a sport that uses a lot of physical and mental strength. Moreover, I don't exercise regularly nor do I have the strength or stamina to play well in a match. Since young, I watched my cousins play basketball at the corner of the court. As I'm a beginner, I often get left out whenever my cousins play matches with other people. Just by watching the aggressive plays at the center, I felt scared and not confident.

It was not until recently, I started playing basketball again. This time, I decided to learn basketball seriously. First things first, I need to learn how to shoot. After shooting a few balls at the same spot before moving further away from the ring, I started to gain more confidence as I keep scoring. As a beginner, I just stayed around the same spot as a small forward during matches and wait for the ball to be passed to me. Having the mindset of "I can do this" or "This ball will get in" is very important. If you are distracted, not confident or pressured, you definitely will not score which explains why basketball is mentally and physically tiring.

The ability to make decisions on the spot, distract or pressurise others is something basketball taught me. To shoot or pass, to block or stay free is the decisions that you will need to make as you play. Furthermore, you must not back down after a few mistakes and have the mindset of "I'll do better next time" so that your team mates will trust you to score for the team.

Basketball. Difficult but Interesting. Tiring but Fun. Competitive but Teamwork.